Paw Patrol

[PURE CHAMPIONSHIP]
KAI STEVENS (c) vs. RYAN KELLY vs. RICKY STANTON

Press Conference 3.6.19: Everyone is getting shots as “Pretty” Ricky Stanton walks out to the table with some bottled water. He and his lady Lily Hollister smile for the cameras as everyone quiets down and questions begin.

Host: Mr. Stanton, we thank you and Ms. Hollister for coming out here today to address some concerning information concerning you and the Pure Championship over at Divine Wrestling. Wrestling fans are questioning the way you got the title shot and how you’re defaming the opponents.

PRS: Thanks again for having me. First of all, I want to address the title shot. I was offered this title shot and I TOOK IT because I am the Pretty Boy. I’m not going to say no for a chance at gold. The Pure Title will be SOOOOOO PRETTY when I win, and I will win as long as everyone addresses the need to make things fair.

Host: Need things fair? Sir?

PRS: We all know that Kai Steven has very small hands.

Host: Huh? Small hands?

PRS: Yes. Small hands. They’re like T-Rex hands. Give him a trash pick up stick he’ll be unstoppable.

Host: So let me get this straight: You’re saying he’ll have the upper hand no pun intended, for having small hands.
Lily: Ah, I see what you did there (smiles while taking a sip of water)

PRS: I was stunned. I was like, “Really? How can I face this guy? His hands are so tiny! They’re like action figure kung-fu grip hands. It’s not fair

Host: Mr. Stanton are you aware that this is defamation of character? His hands are just fine and yes I’ve seen them and I don’t think they’re different.

PRS: I have too, and I have VISUAL PROOF THAT I’M RIGHT. TURN THAT SCREEN ON.
(The screen comes on and shows the following pic:



(People start laughing from the media)

Host: What in the hell is this???

PRS: This is Mr. Stevens' hand. You want me to wrestle....that??? I'm NOT GOING TO BE WRESTLING IN THE SAME RING AS THAT HIDEOUS THING!

Reporter: Are you making fun of deformities?

PRS: F U dude, the Pretty Boy doesn't bend to agendas. Yeah it's hideous. DO SOEMTHING. When I came to this fed I looked around and realized that these (uses quote gesture) CHAMPIONS that you have are crap. Half these people I've never even heard of. What happened? Do they win the belt, stop by the Walmart for milk and go home? Any promos? Cameos? Nothing. What you all need is a new class of wrestler. Kai Stevens is NOTHING to me. He's just another person who hasn't had real competition HARD STARING AT YOU RYAN KELLY. Your performance in that last match obviously wasn't enough for it to be a one-on-one so they gave me a shot at making this worth the watch!

You all should be thankful! Now people will tune in! Imma tell all you reporters out there that it takes two of them to face off one of me to make this a highlight reel for Divine. DO THE MATH!

I came here to make Divine Wrestling the lead brand on market! And it begins with getting rid of the "Unmentionables" and the subpar talent! The Pure Championship is going to look so pretty around my waist, you're going to wonder what the hell were you doing before "Pretty" Ricky Stanton arrived!

Host: You're calling Ryan sub par?

PRS: OBVIOUSLY! I mean, what kind of guy is willing to face "The Paw"? It's gross. He's gross. Ryan is gross.

Lily: Look, the Pretty Boy is going to do what he always does and that is WIN. We already have the ECWF Next Gen Title. This is just another belt to add to the list. He brings quality, outstanding wrestling skills, and endurance that will keep you up all night and he can shoot -

PRS: WHOA BABES! WHOA! I think they get it - (laughs) Such zeal! I love it! And we're gonna get everyone else to be just as excited about my arrival and me winning my first belt here in my first match, and it's gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOO PRETTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

(The two get up as the cameras flash as they leave)

-fade out-